Allright….please welcome another hilarious blog from my good buddy Hammer!
Enjoy!
Dear Mr. President of the U.S of Eh!
To President Barrack Obama
Dear Mr. President!
I’m a little late with this but congratulations on becoming the 44th President of the United States of America! Cheers to the days that lie ahead for you and best of luck! You’ve got a tough job!
Now, if you haven’t guessed by now, I’m a Canadian and we pay attention to what you do eh? We’ve all got CNN now up here, or can at least find it somewhere to watch it, so we’re informed. As soon as Anderson Cooper gets there, it’s like we’re all there, you know what I mean?
Anyways, I won’t keep you. I know you’re busy these days. But if you ever have a minute, I have a list of things I want you to take a look at and see if we can get this done. You know, change a few things, keep a few things the same and eliminate a few problems I see us having. Just a check list to keep things real, give us all hope that brighter days are ahead of all of us. I’m thinking these ideas could help both of ur countries, maybe. Even the world, I mght add.
So, here it is, my list Mr. President, for you to keep close by;
Let’s get the Octomom fixed. That’s enough kids I think. And we don’t need to see her in a reality show either. And she can come clean, we all know she wants to be Angelina Jolie. The lips are a dead giveaway. And now news that her stripper name was Angelina??? Please, enough already.
It’s in this order…keep the country safe, protect ACDC and keep the economy running smooth. And tell the banks to loosen up a bit.
Let’s put the guns away….like Ricky from the Trailer Park Boys once said “we don’t need guns guys, let’s talk this thing out.
Improve international airport security all over the world. Even if we all have to board these planes naked, let’s keep it tight. I don’t need to be on a plane in Jamaica and have a guy called “Genius” put a gun to my chin and ask for a trillion dollars. I’m on holidays for God’s sake and most of us don’t have that kind of money anyways. No more crazy people on planes.
If some of these other countries have nuclear weapons, and you know they’re going to use them on us, could you give us a heads up when it’s going to shake down? We all might want to get a few things in, such as a game of golf, some sex, go on a roller coaster, cut the lawn , etc,..before we crawl into a hole for a year eating nothing but Chef Boy Ardee.
Cut Dog the Bounty Hunter’s hair. I feel like I’m watching the Cowardly Lion arrest people. It’s so confusing, one has courage and the other doesn’t
Bring back the 80’s. Well, almost everything. Let’s not bring back those baggy Beaver Canoe sweatshirts on the women and I still don’t trust Boy George.
I just read today that music really bugs the Taliban. If this is true, and you want them to come out of the mountains…blast Nirvanna’s music at them. I gotta believe they’ll surrender
Don’t touch Las Vegas. Leave it the way it is. It’s fine. We need it!
Somebody put the steriods in the food, which brought on the hormones quicker, resulting in young kids going to university and college way to early, meaning that none of them have any job experience because they didn’t work growing up, which ultimately killed the workforce and got us in this global mess in terms of the dreadful economy we are now living in. So, let’s take the syringe out of the tomatoes in January and do what we used to do….fail the kids if they are stupid. And take the automated cashier out of society and put someone to work and make them figure out how much change you should get from a $20.
We could wipe out road rage entirely if we had a drive thru for sex. “Would that be everything today sir? Actually, can I get a rub and french kiss with that please? Thanks.”
If you can get a million guys to march one day…….give them all a garbage bag and tell them to clean up there town when they get back home. You always have to think about the environment, even when people are protesting it!
It’s Merry Christmas. If you want to celebrate something else on December 25th…beat it!
How do you fix the graffiti problems???….easy… take these little buggers into a tattoo parlour and graffiti them….like put “Stupid” right across their forehead. I gotta believe it would stop.
Fix your coffee. It sucks. You’ve never got it right. Do something about it please. It’s about time.
Canada has the world’s tallest structure and the world’s longest bridge. But what we really need is for the 407 to give us a break on the toll road so we can spend that money on beer when we’re heading for the Cottage. See if you can’t talk to our Ontario government about it. That’s spelled “O-N-T-A-R-I-O.” It’s near Toronto.
Give us back Neil Young.
We invented the baseball glove and basketball. You’re going to have to come to grips with that.
Okay we get the Hannah Montana craze, but Billy Ray needs to go to acting school….quick.
We’ll give you 5,000 Canadian Geese for 5,000 cases of Bud Light Lime..straight up.
We all need a four-day work week. Plus one day each of U.E.I.
That will do for now. I’ll have some more ideas later. What I’ll do is call you on your Crackberry and give them to you. And as soon as we can all agree this roaming charge is a load of crap, the world will be a better place.
If it isn’t already………………..
